I asked people a few days ago for questions that I could use to expand my FAQ. Obviously I wasn’t thinking straight because I woke up today and realised “that’s right – nobody fucking reads FAQs”. I also noticed that a large proportion of the questions I get generally are bias questions from people just asking me which girls I prefer in which k-pop girl groups. So because I get ultra-sick of answering these questions because I get them constantly, here’s a big list of girl group members and who I like and don’t like so I can link people. If you’ve asked me a question and I’ve sent you a link to this post, it’s because the answer to your question is here, so read on!
Here’s how the list works:
Girls are listed from most preferable to least preferable from left to right, in netizen-comment style because that’s the only text information format most k-pop fans with ultra-short attention spans and barely two brain cells to rub together to produce a thought seem to be able to understand.
The > shows the approximate “distance of preference” between each member. It’s only approximate and each group’s number of > doesn’t necessarily relate to any other group’s number of > so don’t overthink it and try to mathematically calculate it all or do comparisons because I sure as fuck didn’t think with anything else except my dick when putting this list together. Because I know that some of you will go crazy OCD on this shit, because you’ve got nothing better to do, you mad cunts.
The first | is the “meets required standards line”. Girls to the left of this line meet required standards, girls to the right of this line do not. If all girls meet required standards this line will be on the right end. If none do, it will be on the left end.
The second | is the “wouldn’t kick out of bed” line. If someone falls between the first and second line, then they’re not someone I’m that interested in but I don’t consider then so horrible that as a hypothetical single and horny person I would kick them out of bed should I find that they had sneakily crawled their way in there, I would still cuddle her and get a boner. If all girls could occupy my bed space without being ordered to get some clothes on and GTFO, this line will be on the right end. If none could, the line be on the left end.
“Rest” just means that I couldn’t be bothered listing the rest of the group members but I consider the remaining members not listed to be placed around about at this spot.
“Further research required” means that I am not conversant enough with this group’s members at this stage to have a solid opinion.
“All” means that I’m familiar with the members but didn’t have any strong enough opinions on anybody in the group to be able to differentiate them strongly, consider them all to be somewhat where placed.
The list is about fapability only. I don’t give a shit how well they sing, it just doesn’t matter in k-pop where the human voice is largely an electronic creation. I also don’t care what sort of people they are according to some gossip site or whatever – apparent bad girls might have a slight fapability advantage but that’s incidental.
Ex-members will be sometimes included, sometimes not. This is decided by a secret “ex-member relevancy index”.
Females only, I don’t bias guys. Assume guys to be removed from consideration in co-ed groups. Also no groups that are not from Korea or the k-pop system or I’ll be here all year making this fucking list.
This list isn’t complete, and doesn’t claim to be, so if you’re wondering why your faves aren’t in here, it’s because I didn’t put them in here. This list is also subject to updates and changes! As such I won’t be reposting it to Anti K-pop Fangirl simply because updating two lists is twice the work.
THE KPOPALYPSE GIRL GROUP BIAS COMPENDIUM
15&
Park Jimin >>>>>>>>>>>>>> || >>>>>>>> the other one
2NE1
Bom >>>>> | Minzy | >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> CL > Dara
4Ladies/M.O.A
Further research required
4Minute
Sohyun >>>>> Hyuna > Jihyun >> || >>>>> rest
4Ten
| the two that look normal | the two that look like they were made out of Bom’s secondhand parts
A-Force
|| Rare example where the low quality of the song prevents fap consideration
After School
Raina > Lizzy >>> E-Young >>> Jooyeon >> | Nana | > rest >>> Kahi
AOA (Ace Of Angels)
Youkyung >>>> Chanmi > Jimin >>>> rest ||
Apink
>>>>>>>>>>> all ||
As One
>>>> the one with the shorter hair in “For The Night” >>>> the other one >> ||
BabyVOX
| Kan Miyoun | >>>> rest
Badkiz
| all | >>>>> that weird plasticy looking one
Berry Good
Subin >>>>>>>> | rest |
BESTie
Hyeyeon > rest >>>>> ||
Bikiny
The one with the rabbit teeth >>>>>> rest ||
Bob Girls
The hot one, I can’t remember her name >>>>>>>> | rest |
Brave Girls
Further research required
Brown Eyed Girls
Gain >>>>>> rest ||
Chocolat
Further research required
Crayon Pop
Way > Choa >>>>> Ellin >>>> || >> Soyul > Gummi
C-Real
|| All
CSJH The Grace
Nobody cares about CSJH The Grace
Dal Shabet
>>>>> All >>>>> ||
Davichi
Minkyung >>>>>>>>>> | Haeri |
Delight
Jaewon >>>>>>>>>> || >>>>>>> rest
D-Unit
| all |
EvoL
>>>> Hayana >>>> rest ||
EXID
>>>> Hyerin >>>> | rest |
Fiestar
Cheska >>>> rest ||
Fin.K.L
As punishment for having a stupid name this group are consigned to fap irrelevancy
F-ve Dolls/5Dolls
Seunghee > Hyewon > Hyoyoung >>>> Nayeon > Yeonkyung | Eunkyo | rest
f(x)
Sulli >> Luna >>>>>> Victoria >> || Krystal >>>>>>> Amber
Gangkiz
Haein >>>>>>>> rest ||
Gavy NJ
Further research required
G-Friend
Further research required
Girl’s Day
Minah >>> Hyeri >> Yura >>>> Sojin >> ||
Girls’ Generation
Sunny >>>> Seohyun > Hyoyeon >>> Jessica Jawshave >>>> | > Yuri > Tiffany > Taeyeon >> | >> Sooyoung >>>>> Yoona
GLAM
|| all
Global Icon (GI)
Further research required
GPBasic
|| all
Heart Rabbit Girls
Further research required
Hello Venus
| All |
Jewelry
Yewon >>>>>>>> | rest |
J-Rabbit
|| the singer > the other one
KARA
Seungyeon >>> Youngji > Nicole >>>> | rest |
Laboum
Further research required
Ladies Code
| all |
Lipservice
|| >> all
Lovelyz
Further research required
LPG/Chaness
Further research required
Luluz
The one who does the spoken bit at the start of “How About Me?” >>>>> the one who used to be in Badkiz || the other one
Mamamoo
Further research required
Minx
Ji-u >>>>> | rest |
miss A
Min > Jia >>>>>>>>>>>>> | Fei | >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Suzy
Nine Muses
Hyemi > Euaerin >>>> rest ||
Orange Caramel
see “After School”
Pascol
|| all
Piggy Dolls (both lineups)
Jieun >>>>>>>> || >>>>>>>>>>> rest
Pritz
Further research required
Purfles
Further research required
Rainbow
Further research required
Rania
Joy >>>>> Ta-e >>>>>> | rest |
Red Velvet
>>>>>> Joy > Wendy > | rest |
Queen B’z/POPCON
Further research required
Sonamoo
Further research required
Secret
Jieun > Hyosung >>>> || rest
Skarf
Further research required
Seeya/The Seeya
>>>>> All > ||
S.E.S
|| >>>>> All
She’z
Further research required
Sistar
Soyou >>>> | rest |
Spica
Jiwon >>>> rest >>> || >>>>> Boa
Stellar
Hyoeun >> Minhee >>> rest >>>>> ||
Sunny Days
Soojung >>>>>>>>>>>> | rest |
Sunny Hill
Kota >>> rest >>> ||
Switch
Further research required
Tahiti
Further research required
T-ara
Eunjung > Qrishna >>>> Soyeon >> Hyomin > Jiyeon Cyclops Overlord >>>> || rest
Tiny-G
| all |
TREN-D
Further research required
Two X
Further research required
Wassup
Dain >>>>>>>> rest > ||
Wonder Girls
Sohee >>>> | rest | >>>>> Sunye > Lim
Ye-A
Further research required
Soloists
Hong Jin Young > Puer Kim > IU >>> Clara > Son Dambi > Lim Kim > NS Yoon G > Ailee > G.na | Lee Hyori > Kim Sori > Fatcat | Ivy > Gummy > Boa > Lexy > Lee Junh Hyun > Baek Ji Young > Lee Michelle > any other boring singers
Rappers
Tymee >>>> That girl from 912 Crew >>>> Minit > Shy > Kasper | Kisum | Jolly V > Cheetah > LiVii > Celma > Jessi HO
That’s it! If you would like to help with “research” feel free to reply to this post or use ask.fm as anything is subject to change at any time! Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!
Tagged: fap, kpopalypse
