It’s no secret that the Kpopalypse ask.fm has become ludicrously popular. When I started using ask.fm I just thought I’d get a couple questions a day about my blogging at the most, but those who follow it know that on a typical day I get inundated with dozens of questions. While it’s certainly very flattering (and weird) that people care so much about what I think about various trivial topics, it’s also very repetitive. I get asked the same questions all the time, so here’s a collection of the most common questions and answers, so I can save myself some typing in the future. If you’ve been linked here, the answer to your question is probably below!
I’ve decided to make this post separate from the FAQ. The Kpopalypse FAQ has questions and answers which are very relevant to Kpopalypse blog as a whole, this separate post is to cover those questions which really don’t belong in a FAQ as they’re fairly trivial and don’t have much to do with my blogging, but that still get asked a fuckload. This post may also get added to over time. Please now enjoy this question and answer selection!
What are your favourite k-pop groups?
When it comes to k-pop I’m really more into songs than groups, because the groups generally don’t write the songs.
Come on man, that’s a cop-out.
As far as music goes, certain groups have better hit-miss ratios than others, but that’s more luck/coincidence than anything else. The groups can’t really take the credit for that.
Girl groups with the best hit/miss ratios: T-ara, Orange Caramel, Crayon Pop, f(x).
Boy groups with the best hit/miss ratios: (recent) BigBang, 100%, SPEED, Infinite.
What about in terms of prettiness of the members?
Covered in the bias compendium.
Do you like J-pop?
No. It’s all hideously twee nonsense aimed squarely at the raincoat market.
What… none of it?
Okay, here’s one good j-pop song. That’s it. Everything else sucks donkey dicks.
Worth nothing that Japan is often quite good at all sorts of other genres… just not pop music. Generally speaking the weirder and more out-there the music style is, the better Japanese artists are at doing it… however Japan needs to stay as far the fuck away from commercial pop and rock music as humanly possible.
I do occasionally still listen to new j-pop and keep tabs on it just in case it stops sucking one day. Hasn’t happened yet, don’t hold out much hope. In the meantime don’t link me any.
Note that k-pop artists entering the j-pop market, I consider that stuff k-pop, not j-pop, because it’s being driven by the k-pop industry with a k-pop team behind everything, and as a result the quality is often (but not always) better.
Do you like Visual Kei?
I like X Japan. There’s one or two other Visual Kei artists that have an isolated good song or two. The rest is mostly nu-metal crap.
Do you like anime? What are some of your favourite animes?
There’s two types of anime that are worth bothering with:
- Miyazaki/Studio Ghibi stuff, which is generally acceptable
- Hentai (porn)
Everything else is rubbish. Anime always has the laziest-possible animation quality with every corner cut that can possibly be cut, universally horrible and always creepily misogynist characterisation and portrayal of any female characters, stupid plots that make no sense and always with lame “esoteric” endings, and poor writing all round. And yes I have seen all the supposed “classics” of the genre like Akira, Ghost In The Shell, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Perfect Blue, and many others… all absolute retarded fucking shit so don’t recommend me any more of it as I’ve wasted enough of my life watching the garbage and won’t waste any more. Miyazaki gets over the line because they actually put some effort into animating it, and sometimes the stories are sensible. Hentai also gets over the line because unlike regular anime at least hentai is honest about what it is when it’s portraying women. Honesty goes a long way.
I’ve also never understood why western k-pop fans like anime. Two things with absolutely nothing in common other than that Asians are making them.
Do you like Korean dramas? What are some of your favourite Korean dramas?
I’ve tried watching a few of them but I always give up, they’re generally insipid and the Korean sense of humour is something that I can’t get with – they have to make every joke completely obvious like you’re a fucking idiot and won’t get the joke unless it’s repeated and/or massively exaggerated. The more serious dramas on the other hand I just find lame and boring. Even having a k-pop girl in them that I like doesn’t create enough motivation for me to watch Korean dramas.
What about Korean movies, then?
Koreans are quite good at making horror and action films, almost as good as Japan and definitely better than Hollywood (most places are). Oldboy is the classic Korean film of course and combines both action and horror elements, but there are many others, too many to list.
Also, Lies is a bizarre favourite and shows that Korea could have a great porn industry one day if they ever loosen the government restrictions a little (sadly unlikely).
What are your favourite Korean actresses?
I don’t really pay much attention to who is in which film. I’m sure there are other blogs out there that focus on this. My blogging has almost no actor/actress content because I don’t really care about the specific people, just if I enjoy the film or not.
What do you think about [insert shitty western pop/rock artist here]?
I don’t think about [insert shitty western pop/rock artist here]. You can usually safely assume this.
So what western artists DO you like?
When I was really young (pre-teen) the first music that I really liked was actually not pop music, but music that accompanied computer games on the Commodore 64, and also classical pieces that I’d play on the piano. I was oblivious to the fact that a lot of the time the computer game songs were actually reconfigured instrumental versions of western pop songs, but hearing these probably gave me the ear for listening to melody/harmony/rhythm/texture first rather than lyrics first. Later on I found actual pop music via Saturday morning TV where the weekly Top 40 would be broadcast, my first pop faves were Australian groups Icehouse and INXS, and later on in high school I discovered hard rock like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, and then later heavy metal and rap, and then other styles from there such as experimental and industrial music. Becoming a DJ at a radio station also broadened my musical horizons considerably, because once that happened people would send me music all the time (this was before the Internet meant that anybody could access just about any music at any time).
If there’s a common thread between all the different music I listen to and like it’s probably some form of “extremity” – consistently applied sound in a particular direction. K-pop appeals to me more if it’s extremely poppy just like metal appeals more if it’s extremely heavy – tapping that vein of “what makes something more of what it is, and less of what it is not” is part of the appeal. K-pop is at its worst when it’s a bland haphazard genre mush. Metal is at its worst when it’s soft and limp, or so messy and distorted that nothing solid can be discerned. Rap is at its worst when it’s smooth, nice and offensive to nobody. Industrial music is at its worst when it tries to incorporate pop or metal elements to the extent that the core industrial sound is diluted. Etc.
Ten favourite non k-pop albums in no particular order (because you guys like lists), with tracks linked from each one:
Celtic Frost – Into The Pandemonium
Mobb Deep – Hell On Earth
Swans – White Light From The Mouth Of Infinity
Ministry – Psalm 69
Current 93 – Soft Black Stars
This Mortal Coil – It’ll End In Tears
Darkthrone – A Blaze In The Northern Sky
Anti-Nowhere League – We Are … The League
Front Line Assembly – Caustic Grip
Lolita Storm – Girls Fucking Shit Up
Far from a complete list, I could have made this a lot longer.
That list isn’t very pop though. What is some more pop type stuff that you like?
Some more albums that I like, this time pop (sort of):
La Roux – La Roux
CSS – Cansei De Ser Sexy
Belly – Star
Alizee – Gourmandises
Miss Kittin & The Hacker – The First Album
Cocteau Twins – Head Over Heels
New Order – Substance
Throwing Muses – Limbo
Also, all Australians like Queen and ABBA, this is mandatory for all citizens.
What do you think about Sia Furler?
Sia gets a special mention because she’s a pop performer who comes from my town and presumably for this reason I get asked about her at least once a month. I saw her old band Crisp in the 90s a few times (not by choice), they were popular locally and had a couple albums out which sucked. They were fucking boring as shit. Nothing she’s done since has changed my opinion of her music since, none of which is as horrible as Crisp was, but none of which I’d exactly call “good” or listen to by choice. Also I never saw any of this supposed “public anxiety” business from her back when I used to see her around, in fact quite the opposite. She was always quite outgoing on stage and wouldn’t perform live with her back turned like she does now, so either something really fucked with her head between then and now or that’s just some quirky marketing bullshit.
What do you think about Beyonce/Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston/[insert western singer known for their vocal prowess here]?
Absolute dogshit, some of the worst music on earth. Oh, except Mariah’s “Without You”, which is okay. Everything else is awful.
What do you think about Madonna?
Her music is very hit-and-miss but conceptually she’s a very important influence on k-pop (read more here). Best albums would be Like A Prayer, Bedtime Stories, Ray Of Light, rest of her albums have too many dud songs to be worth bothering with.
What do you think about The Beatles?
I thought they were okay in their early days when they were basically a pop group. Later on when they grew their hair and got into transcendental meditation I thought the music went completely to shit, I think “Sgt. Peppers” album and everything after it is total crap. One of the only things I ever agreed with my mother about regarding music.
Is it true that your mother looks like Boram? Can I see a picture?
Yes, it is true. Of course you can see a picture! Here it is:
As you can see the resemblance is very close.
What’s your ancestry?
German on my father’s side, Chinese, English and Irish on my mother’s side.
Your name is really clever. How did you come up with it?
While joking around with a friend at the radio station, I referred to my sudden addition of several k-pop releases into the station record library at once as a “kpopalypse”, in reference to the idea that other DJs would be generally unhappy about it (as my station doesn’t focus on pop music generally – many of the DJs there hate commercial pop and like other styles). A few months later when I started the radio show I remembered the name and used it, I’m not sure exactly where I got the idea from, but I was probably thinking of the film “Apocalypse Now“.
How old are you?
Older than you. Don’t you know it’s rude to ask an old fuck how old they are? Didn’t your parents teach you any manners? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Are you married?
No, but I’m in a long-term relationship. Get in the queue.
Do you have children?
No. I don’t think the world will ever be ready for the kind of children that I would produce. There’s enough people on the planet anyway fucking things up, I feel that it would be selfish for me to create more of them to fuck things up further.
I know everything about you! [insert links to scandalous doxx here]
Believe it or not, I don’t have a secret identity. All of my personal details are public and easily accessible through my Facebook page which you can find a link to via the radio show page. I even use my real name on there. I’ve never understood why people bother to “doxx” me, there’s really nothing to see that my own writing plus a Google search won’t tell you.
Why don’t you ever post links about your own music or other activities that you’re involved in?
I don’t want to use my blogging as a vehicle for self-promotion, I like to keep the blogging and the music and other work stuff that I do completely separated. Nothing to do with secrecy, it’s more out of respect for my readers. I’ve seen too many blogs that make really interesting points and then piss in the bathwater by finishing up with “oh and by the way I’m a recording artist and here’s what I do and here’s some other stuff that I also do and here’s where you can buy my stuff and here’s how you can help me make money, please support me”. Cracked has quite a few cringeworthy articles like that and it’s just insulting. What I do shouldn’t matter that much to people anyway, besides the stuff which is obviously relevant for the more industry-focused and “technical” posts.
If you’re against making money, why do you have a donate button?
I’m not against making money, I’m just against making money using the clickbait-and-switch tactics described above. The main reason that I have the donation button is not to receive donations (very few people donate) but so I can annoy pushy people who want me to write about this or that when I don’t want to by saying to them “pay me motherfucker and I’ll consider it”. Of course they never do pay, and that’s fine – I’m more interested in shutting them up than taking their money anyway.
Are you an alpaca?
I am if you want me to be – however the alpaca is actually symbolic of freedom of expression. No it is not a reference to Amber of f(x), she may call herself a llama or whatever but I don’t care about that, the real alpaca in f(x) isn’t her.
Are you really a sad old man with no life?
No because this would make it impossible for me to also be an alpaca.
Why are you such a cunt?
To annoy you.
I think the word “cunt” is offensive, why do you use it all the time?
Shut up slut. Look, I used the word “slut” instead of “cunt”, I did that so as not to offend you, you should be appropriately grateful.
Do you like sport?
I’m a musician – sport is against my religion.
How come you recently said [statement x] when in a previous post you also said [statement y which contradicts statement x]?
It could be that my opinion has changed over time – opinions have a way of doing that. Or perhaps statements X and Y aren’t as contradictory as they appear and contain subtleties that you haven’t perceived. Or perhaps I was trolling you or taking the piss with statement X but serious with statement Y, or vice versa. Or perhaps I’m a massive hypocrite. Pick one.
Why don’t you have Instagram?
I lack the determination to take the minimum required amount of photographs of my meals to qualify for Instagram membership.
Why is your Twitter mainly just ask.fm reposts?
I don’t really give much of a fuck about Twitter or social networks in general. Ask.fm is useful because it’s good for people to ask me shit. Facebook is useful because it’s a good place to collect radio show requests. I haven’t found a really good use for Twitter yet.
Do you play video games? Which ones?
Yes. I play League Of Legends quite a bit, and although I’m not very good at it I do enjoy it. Username is BKitten and I play Oceania region servers only, feel free to add. I like lots of other games too, other favourites for now are Insurgency and Minecraft. I grew up with the Commodore 64 so I have an affinity with gaming, although I lack skill due to being old and having shit reflexes plus colour-blindness.
Are you really colour blind? What’s that like?
It’s just like being not colour blind except you can’t see colour properly. More info and answers to your further colour blindness questions here.
Are you really bald?
Almost completely, yes. I have alopecia where hair randomly falls out. It’s not like the pattern baldness that old men get, it looks very different.
Why don’t you livestream more often?
I seem to have a lot of technical problems, also the livestreams have never been that popular plus they’re time-consuming to do for something that’s only of marginal interest. It doesn’t seem like an effective way to reach people given that I usually only get 20 to 40 hits on a livestream vs thousands per blog post. I might occasionally do more of them but it’s not a priority.
Why do Reddit hate you?
I don’t know, but a lot of them they definitely do!
Do you hate Netizenbuzz?
No. Overall I think it’s a good and useful site, just flawed. I could probably say the same about my own site!
Does NB meet required standards?
Not my type. I prefer Martina!
Do you really think Martina is hot or are you just taking the piss?
I really think Martina is hot. Simon gave off a bit of a gay vibe when I first saw him so I initially hoped that their coupling was a lavender marriage and I was in with a shot. However on further investigation I noticed that Simon’s pretty good at trying to get Martina to show her tits in a positive light for the camera when the opportunity presents itself which is exactly what I would do in his shoes, so I think we’re actually pretty much on the same page there. That’s a shame because it probably means I’ll never get to feel those boobs, but if Simon is feeling them for me it’s kind of like I’m there in spirit.
Would you ever consider v-logging like Eat Your Kimchi?
I’ve thought about ways to incorporate self-made video content into my blogs for a while now but each time I think about it, I usually just end up thinking “I could just do the same thing more effectively in writing somehow”. That’s not to say that I’m ruling it out, just that I can’t think of a really compelling reason to do it. Also I’m not really a fan of v-logs, plus my bald head isn’t as interesting as Martina’s boobs… well, not to me, anyway.
How can you honestly say that [idol X] is prettier than [idol Y]?
How can you honestly not realise that sexual tastes are subjective?
Do you think [idol X] has gotten prettier?
Who knows, I don’t care whether people get surgery really. It would be nice if we lived in a world where everyone was happy enough with their appearance where they didn’t feel the need to get surgery, but at the same time it’s their body so whatever.
Are you looking forward to or excited by the news of [upcoming debut or comeback by X]?
No, I don’t look forward to anything. I wait until it happens before I decide if I’m excited about it or not.
What do you think about the teaser video by [X]?
I don’t watch teaser videos. Music videos are really advertisements, so teasers are advertisements for advertisements and so I feel like an idiot for watching them. Half of the time the actual song sounds nothing like the teaser anyway. Wake me when the full video comes out and not before.
What’s your opinion about [kpop scandal X]?
I don’t care about scandals.
What does [phrase, term or statement that Kpopalypse doesn’t use] mean?
I don’t know, ask [the person who uses that statement].
Ask/tell them, not me.
Thoughts? [insert video link here]
Meh (usually).
I had a question and it’s not here.
You could try the FAQ.
I already looked at the FAQ and it’s not there either.
Well I don’t mind if you ask it via ask.fm, maybe your question will end up in an edited version of this post, which will be added to over time as more questions become common!
Tagged: kpopalypse
