HAHAHAHAHAHAHA it’s Amy here and I’ve still got Kpopalypse’s laptop! He can’t stop me!
OMG it’s Yoochun so handsome
Yoochun is a great guy and really nice and he is in a idol group called JYJ. However some ppl are being MEAN to him and it’s NOT FAIR so i’m going to post all about why you should support Yoochun.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
REASONS TO STAN YOOCHUN
1. Yoochun is in JYJ
JYJ are like historic because they were in TVXQ. TVXQ are like the best k-pop group EVER apart from EXO and NCT and Infinite and Beast and SHINee and SS501 and HOT and GOT7 and VIXX and BTS and History and BAP and all the other ones i like
2. Yoochun is really handsome
so dreamy
3. yoochun is really nice and he didnt rape anyone
Some people say Yoochun raped five women in a bathroom. Thats dumb it makes no sense you cant even fit five women in a bathroom
4. he’s INNOCENT
Yoochun is innocent BECAUSE CORT SAID. SEE HE IS INOCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, SEE TRUTH ALWAYS WINS IN THE END HATERS
5. omg just look at him
not a rapist
why would he need to rape anyone he could have any girl he wanted, it doesnt add up people are just hating for no reason because they are UGLY like Sarah god she is such a bitch i bet she would be the type to sleep with oppar and then say it was rape just to get moneysheywhatthefadfhgfa=———-aeswfhjafeswa;
Kpopalypse here – sorry about that, finally got my laptop back. That’s the last time I leave it on the train during school holiday period! Amy has been sedated and will soon be checking into a fangirl rehabilitation center, where she will receive only the best medical care that my Patreon donations can provide. Wish her well!
Anyway I’m supposed to come up with some nice things to say about Yoochun, because everyone requested a positive post about this guy, and being a big-time positive thinking kind of guy who loves a challenge, how could I refuse? I could only think of two reasons though – but they’re good ones!
REASON #1
Yoochun’s rape allegations mean probably no more shitty JYJ songs for a while
Really, everything JYJ does is poo, musically. Does anyone who isn’t a rabid JYJ fan really prefer tedious soppy junk like “Back Seat” over the better TVXQ stuff like “Catch Me“, “Spellbound“, “Humanoids” etc? J, Y and the other J might be enjoying their freedom-loving non-SM lifestyle as they rightly should but they have been musically lost in the woods without those SM songwriters to prop them up, TVXQ’s music since the split is a lot better than JYJ’s on average. So a little bit of a forced hiatus might do them all some good, it might give them time to find some musical form and collect a song or two that doesn’t suck – or if not at least we don’t have to hear any more shitful new JYJ songs for a little while. Don’t worry Yoochun fans, k-pop fans are very forgiving about their male stars, you probably only need to wait for a few months for all that inconvenient rapey stuff to blow over and for them to get back in the game. In the meantime if you’d like to reminisce listen to Yoochun’s intro to “Back Seat” if you dare and remember kids, “don’t be afraid of it” [shudder].
REASON #2
Yoochun’s rape allegations actually make Asian Junkie write proper articles
It’s no secret that IAFTB, the editor/main author of k-pop blogsite Asian Junkie is a lazy caonima who writes about ten words per article these days. Now I don’t begrudge him his lazy “here’s a girl, she is hot, I jerked off to her once or twice” articles (although Anti Kpop-Fangirl’s posts like this are better because at least he sometimes draws dicks on them) or even the ultra lazy posts where he copy-pastes one sentence out of my Roundups and posts it to his site with my name slapped on it (even if it’s completely opposite to the whole point of why Roundup exists), but I do miss the days when most Asian Junkie articles actually had some kind of substance to them. So it’s good that Yoochun probably raped a few people so Asian Junkie could finally get stuck back into writing a bunch of high-quality mostly long-form articles dissecting the situation every which-way. Here’s all the Yoochun rapey articles so far, in chronological order:
Police think Yoochun might have raped someone, CJES say “yeah nah”
Media say charges were dropped, police say “yeah nah”
“Sources” say the charges were dropped, CJES say “nah, yeah… but nah”
Police say “we might prosecute anyway, yolo”
Second girl presses charges, CJES say “wut”
Korean media say CJES tried to settle out of court using muscle from Way’s Girls
Second girl apparently pressed charges before it was cool
Third girl presses charges, bathroom pattern emerges (probably fuscia)
Yoochun and CJES say “stfu whores”
Fourth girl emerges and says “no u”
Netizen “detectives” take five days to realise what was obvious to everyone else after 5 minutes
Asian Junkie is like “idek but it’s good copy innit”
Yoochun and CJES say “stfu whores” (again), meanwhile smeg collection has begun
Yoochun and CJES say “stfu whores – btw we totally mean it this time”
Asian Junkie catches Koreaboo being wrong, predictable but satisfying like a chocolate ice cream
Someone else says Asian Junkie is a faggot bitch, Asian Junkie doesn’t deny
First girl refiles charges, police say “yeah nah… but yeah”
Sixth girl says Yoochun followed her into a bathroom, netizens cry “Illuminati!!!!11111one”
Media say stuff, police say “yeah nah”
DNA evidence matches, court is like “lol wateva”
All charges probably going to be thrown out because the victims didn’t struggle enough or something
All in less than a month! That’s a lot of rape articles! It took me over an hour just to write this index and think up the titles, think how long Asian Junkie must have spent writing all that! Most of these articles are big too, not just a sentence or two but thoughtfully constructed and containing actual trufax. Thanks, Yoochun! Maybe one day with Yoochun’s rapey help, Asian Junkie’s determinations to write and edit large chunks of text might increase to the point where he’ll actually repost to his site one of my long-form articles agai… actually, that’s probably wishful thinking (especially after he reads this). But at least I had fun reading Asian Junkie’s great Yoochun articles over a few weeks of train and bus trips… that is, until I accidentally clicked on one of his stupid mega-obtrusive ads while trying to navigate his shitty layout that sucks on mobile phones and it broke my new smartphone that I barely know how to even use yet. Why the fuck does he have a Patreon AND have ads? What a caonima.
I’m going to finish this article with a quick picture of Betsy, author at Asian Junkie who writes most of the best content there.
Make sure you do your part for the quality of the writing on the Asian Junkie site by supporting Betsy in all her articles and any Internet arguments, especially with Asian Junkie himself. Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!
Tagged: trufax
