It’s time again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out this week’s new releases!
Astro
Oh My Girl ft. Skull & Haha – A-ing
I don’t know what I wanted from Oh My Girl’s comeback but this ultra-fluffy dancehall reggae-lite wasn’t it. Still, it’s not too bad considering and could have been a lot worse, like…
Unicorn – Blink Blink
…this fucking shit, for example. Everyone’s trying to be Red Velvet lately, not realising that Red Velvet still haven’t really worked out how to be Red Velvet yet.
Taewan – Problem
This is good but just a little too heavy on the breathy castrated R&B style vocalising and Michael Jackson-ish creepy panting for me to actually get behind it fully. If someone who couldn’t sing all that well did this song instead it would sound so much better.
HiNi ft. Jerry K – So Shall We Dance
Warning: scat vocals.
Park Hyunbin – You’re So Pretty
I briefly considered this for my trot edition of Nugu Alert until I did some research and realised that this guy is one of the most well-known trot singers there is. Fantastic camerawork here, you can actually see each individual hair of these ladies’ moustaches.
UNWELCOME SWEG SECTION NOBODY ASKED FOR OR WANTED
Hyuna – How’s This?
Hyuna is back and she’s clearly malfunctioning.
Sangchu ft. Don Mills, Esna – Still Hot
You know it’s going to be rubbish from the very first second. R&B vocal intros are never a good sign, because you know that if they think that bullshit is a good idea, they’ll think all sorts of other crap is also a good idea.
#Gun ft. Crucial Star – Beep
In this video the rapper opens a portal to the horrors of “It G Ma” with a $5 can of spraypaint, and as soon as he steps through his whole sound is ruined. I could have told him that beforehand.
Luizy & Flowsik – Recipe
This needs an Immortal Technique or KRS ONE over the top rapping about something that actually matters, to suit the grandiose sound of the backings, and not these dickheads rapping about how they’re “cooking the the kitchen” or whatever fucking bullshit.
Keebomb – Summer Summer Summer
For someone who says the word “summer” 63 times in the song (I counted) he still rugs up for the cold with a grey hoodie.
Microdot – Auckland City
Usually you’ll just have to take my word for it that yolo music has no rap flow but this one’s mostly in English so you can hear for yourself how pathetic the raps in this style of music usually are.
Beenzino ft. YDG – January
First it was sagging pants and now these slobs couldn’t even be bothered getting out of their dressing gowns. They’re only “swerving” to avoid tripping over their own clothes.
Soom – Because Of The Alcohol
Look at her shaking her pussy at 2:37. Put it away girl, nobody wants to see you do that.
BONUS SONGS
Electroboyz ft. Seo In Young – Sunglasses
All I wanted was Seo In Young’s boobs in the video so I could finally fucking figure them out but instead I got this weird cartoon about some guy with X-ray Spex being a pervert.
MAAN – Night
Look at these kids bopping around. They’ve never heard music this extreme before. This is like Napalm Death to them.
NCT 127 – Taste The Feeling
He holds up a piece of sheet music and it’s for a Beatles song, so you know that this is going to be trash with such bad influences.
Tarin – Someday It Will Be Wither
This is what you get when you try to do IU’s “Modern Times” album in your bedroom with an acoustic guitar and some clearance-price white lace curtain material from Spotlight.
Choiyeguen – Gloomy Story
Koreans actually like this crap but anyone from any other country will just write “wow this song is great omg so talented” on YouTube and then forget it exists in a month’s time.
Fling – Here She Come Shine
Look at how naive this is – bubble-blowing, water pistol fights and hula hoops. I wonder if they know that the English bands who did this stuff back in the 80s were loaded up to their eyeballs on every kind of drug known to man.
Coco Avenue – TTMU
The larger girl has a great body, I wish I could see more of this type of body in k-pop videos in general. Pity about the song, you can tell it’s Chad Future-ish western hopefuls and not a Korean production without even looking at the video because Koreans get production right about 99% of the time these days even if the song sucks. The mixing here is terrible, the main problem being that the backings are about 6dB softer than they should be, making the whole thing sound more like a karaoke mix than an actual single. What’s the point of programming all those fancy drum-machine build-ups when you can’t even hear them. I guess there’s one benefit – having such quiet backings will make it easier for all those idiots who still believe in MR Removed to remove them. Oh and by the way did you know that popular v-logger MRJKPOP is going to highlight the stupidity of the lame MR Removed fad for you all soon? Bless him, hopefully finally people will believe what I’ve been saying for years about how MR Removed doesn’t do the job it’s supposed to and then that trendy pointless bullshit will finally die. But probably not, because k-pop fans are stupid and they will continue to believe anything, even when faced with hard evidence to the contrary.
That’s it for another Kpopalypse roundup! More next week!
Tagged: roundup
