The post that k-pop’s tits perverts have waited patiently for all year is finally here, it’s the return of the Kpopalypse big boobs guide!
Who can possibly keep up with the amount of big boobs in k-pop? Kpopalypse, that’s who! Read on as Kpopalypse brings you the joys of objectification and superficial fetishism once again!
Actually to be completely honest, I have trouble keeping up with new groups much the same as anybody, especially as I don’t tend to pay much attention to the individuals in very new groups, so that’s where the help of trusty caonimas came in. I asked readers in a recent survey to nominate entrants for this list, and received several hundred responses which I will now distill in the following post. Thanks to all those of you who helped me out here – but note that most of you picked girls who had in fact already been covered in previous episodes of this series, so make sure you visit the following links to double-check the trufax before complaining that I skipped out on your fave this year:
Bring the girls out – a friendly and informative guide to big boobs in k-pop
Big boobs in k-pop part 2 – the boobs that Kpopalypse forgot
Big boobs in k-pop part 3 – private parts investigations
The usual time-honoured categories for boob assessment shall apply:
Size: the amount of raw pearly volume.
E factor: enhancement via push-up, careful clothes selection, the right angles, etc.
PS factor: PS stands for plastic surgery, and it also stands for Photoshop. Have boobs been enhanced using these methods?
Fanservice: if a boob falls out of a shirt in the forest and nobody is around to see it, does fapping to it make a sound?
Fapability: a combination of all of the above, plus a dash of completely unfair and biased subjectivity that comes naturally with being a blog author.
Of course, it is inevitable that I will skip out on certain people. I had a lot of different suggestions so if I missed your fave it’s probably deliberate and done specifically to annoy you so be sure to complain ineffectually about it in the comments section below or via other social media. Let’s get started!
CHENG XIAO (WJSN/Cosmic Girls)
Cheng Xiao has some pretty impressive volume when wearing this pentagram-straps thing that her entire group seems to wear on a regular basis, but any straps stuff can make just about anybody look well-endowed. Apart from this she’s not really fanservicey enough yet to gather appropriate data.
There could be anything under there. However, I don’t think she’s faking it, Cheng Xiao also has quite wide shoulders which is a good indicator of natural bustiness.
Hopefully WJSN do some racier concepts in the future and then a more accurate assessment can be made. For now we’ll have to make do with pictures like the above.
Yooa (Oh My Girl)
I don’t think Yooa is all that busty, she just has great posture, which makes a real difference to boob perception.
She also wears clothes that enhance boob volume quite a lot. Everything’s either very sheer with chunky bras, or very frilly.
I hope you appreciate the trauma I went through to bring you these Yooa images, as searching for Yooa invariably brings up lots of results for Girls’ Generation’s Yoona, and we all know how hazardous looking at pictures of Yoona can be.
Irene (Red Velvet)
Some people singled out Irene for inclusion in this list. Not sure why? She looks good in the above picture but everyone looks busty when they’re leaning over like that.
You can really tell in the above photo how small she really is. Her bra is under that brightly-coloured top, and her boobs are underneath that.
In other circumstances such as this she’s almost certainly padding. There’s a reason I didn’t cover Irene back when I listed Wendy. If you suggested someone and they’re not on my list they were probably even less busty than Irene.
Jessi
Jessi’s boobs look fake and that’s because they are. We know this because she helpfully admitted to it, thus saving the caonima detective squad lots of investigation time. Thanks, Jessi!
Their size still varies like crazy in every shot she’s in though and I guess that’s out friend Photoshop at work.
Mind you they’re always some variation of “big”. Fake breasts aren’t really my preference but it’s her body and I would feel mean if I didn’t appreciate the effort.
Ayeon (Bebop)
Bebop’s drummer and talented multi-instrumentalist Ayeon might be stuck in a boring band with no good songs but has nevertheless mastered the art of fanservice from the backline.
While she definitely has some boobs, and they’re definitely natural, I think they’re not as big as hyped – it’s sad but true that she often appears very, very pushed-up in videos.
It’s clear from this angle that there’s not that much there, her cleavage cuts a similar profile to the less-busty After School members when they wore similar ultra push-up gear for their song “Flashback“. Still once again you can’t criticise the effort, good boob presentation goes a long way in these lists.
Yuna (AOA)
“How could you have missed Yuna? Look at THIS photo!” screamed several AOA fans, all showing me the picture above. Here’s why.
Her breasts went down a size here…
…and another size here. Anybody can look busty when they’re bending over. Also Yuna’s general glazed-over appearance means she doesn’t make an impression compared to the large amounts of competition in her group.
Hyejeong (AOA)
Hyejeong the other wax dummy in AOA fares slightly better, but she still has to compete with girls who have actual character in their faces and her boobage takes a hit as a result because even the biggest boobs perverts look at the face first and then scan down.
Nobody’s boobs sit like that either, large amounts of push-up are obviously in effect here.
When there’s less push-up in use Hyejeong doesn’t look that busty even with the added enhancement of stripes. Now you can see why I didn’t cover her last episode. Don’t even get me started on Mina, Chanmi or Yookyung, not even gonna go there.
Sujeong (Lovelyz)
In terms of raw boob volume, Sujeong is one of the best kept secrets in k-pop, at least relative to popular perception. Her group’s image constantly downplays them, but they’re there.
Lovelyz will probably never get the kind of concepts that really show off boobs, so I guess we’ll have to make do with the odd ill-fitting shirt.
It’s okay, I think I can manage.
Mijoo (Lovelyz)
Mijoo also suffers from her group’s rack-unfriendly image and clearly has more boob than she’s allowed to show, however I don’t think she’s quite as busty as Sujeong.
Naysayers will point to evidence such as the above photo but I’m not so sure, that seems like a really easy angle to make anyone seem well-endowed.
Oh no, now she’s pouting because she’s read my list. Hey it’s not my fault that your agency won’t give you any decent adult clothes to wear.
Haein (LaBoum)
Someone suggested Haein from LaBoum and then added “good luck finding decent pics”. They were right – fuck, this girl gives no fanservice whatsoever.
She also accessorises crazily with tons of big frills, bows and other details in the chest area, which is a big volume-enhancer and one that I’m really into but they also tend to effectively hide the true girth of boobs.
We’ll probably never know how big the girls are though. However Haein is fucking cute and how come I didn’t notice her before. I might have to find an excuse to start posting more pics of her.
Yulhee (LaBoum)
Yulhee is slightly better than her groupmate at fanservice, at least she wears the odd clingy piece of clothing occasionally and doesn’t hide behind ten layers of frills and bows (although I do like frills and bows anyway for some reason, maybe it’s because they make perving an extra challenge).
Here’s Yulhee responding with excitement as an avid fan tells her that she’s just been nominated for this list.
Don’t look at me like that Yulhee, it’s not my fault that you didn’t get to top of the list. Try not to feel bad and remember Kpopalypse loves all k-pop boobs no mater how they are rated.
Hayoung (Apink)
When Apink debuted, their agency probably didn’t count on the group’s youngest member Hayoung eventually growing massive fucking cans. We know they’re real because as one of my survey-doers pointed out, why would their agency spend money on this.
No wonder they’re losing market share to the likes of Gfriend these days, Hayoung has just gone and flushed Apink’s entire “eternally innocent” concept straight down the crapper with her incredible tits.
Apink will never make money again unless they switch it up and go the Stellar route, it’s either that or disband at this point, girls. Pick one and hurry up about it (hint: not the disbanding).
Minah (Girl’s Day)
I didn’t bother to include Minah in previous lists because I didn’t think she was busty enough, but if Girl’s Day fans can actually vote for Sojin we might as well complete the set.
For my money Minah’s got the edge over Sojin these days anyway. Not sure if her boobs just got prettier or maybe other reasons.
If only Minah was as good about showing boobs as she is about rocking extreme cameltoe, we may have the answers to these important questions.
Ash-B
When Unpretty Rapstar contestant Ash-B first appeared with the promo images in this post, people thought it was some kind of joke. “Is she really going to be any good at rapping?” they asked.
The answer of course, is “who gives a fuck, look at those titties”. Mind you it seems pretty obvious to me that the above photo has the benefit of the right angle and Photoshop.
I’m pretty sure I still haven’t bothered to listen to one of her raps all the way through yet. However she definitely does make me feel like I need a shower, so I guess that makes her “real hip-hop”.
Min (miss A)
What the fuck am I doing with my life – how did I neglect to include Min in my boobs lists until now? Shame, Kpopalypse, shame.
It’s not like I didn’t know she had great boobs either – I’ve been fully aware of this for years. There’s really no excuse I can give which would be satisfactory.
It seems that I have acted thoughtlessly. Therefore I have reflected and returned with this extra picture of Min, cynically glaring at my lack of inclusion of her in my previous posts.
I will think hard about my actions and work to return with a more mature image of myself as a k-pop fapper.
Ari (Tahiti)
Another girl who I’ve neglected but in this case maybe it’s a bit more understandable as Tahiti don’t exactly have the highest profile in k-pop.
This is a shame really as not only do they have good songs on average but the girls look great which for such a visual-centric style of music is important.
Ari has some very nice boobs and it should be acknowledged, lucky there’s Kpopalypse boobs posts as the great equaliser to put these nugus on the same playing field as the big stars, right?
Jihyo – Twice
As regular readers will know, I find all the girls in Twice to be a bit samey, so it was difficult to research Jihyo. Hell, these pictures may not even be Jihyo for all I know.
Whoever she is, she has nice boobs anyway. I think. It’s not really possible to be sure under this industrial-strength clothing.
This is the problem with assessing girls in newer groups – there isn’t a lot of accumulated evidence available, plus girls in brand new groups tend to wear more clothes rather than less. She’ll need a couple of years of solid study at least before we really know what’s going on. But I’m fairly sure the above photo is about 30% bra, nobody’s boobs sit like that naturally.
Sana – Twice
As regular readers will know, I find all the girls in Twice tozzzzzzzzzzzzzzx]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]ssssssss be a bit samey, so it was difficult to research Sana. Hell, these pictures may not even be Jihyo for all I know.
Whoever she is, she has nice boobs anyway. I think. It’s not really possible to be sure under this industrial-strength clothing.
This is the problem with assessing girls in newer groups – there isn’t a lot of accumulated evidence available, plus girls in brand new groups tend to wesssssssssar more clothes rather than less. She’ll need a couple of years of solid study at least before we really know what’s going on. But I’m fairly sure the above photo is about 30% bra, nobody’s boobs sit like that naturally.
Mina – Twice
As regular readers will know, I find all the girls in Twice to be a it samey, so it was difficult to research Dahyun. Hell, these pictures may not even be Mina for all I know.
Whoever she is, she has nice boobs anyway. I think. It’s not really possibl e to be sure under this industrial-strength clothing.
This is the problem with assessing girls in newer groups – there isn’t a lot of accumulated evidence available, plus girls in brand new groups tend to wear more clothes rather than less. She’ll need a couple of years of solid study at least before we really know what’s going on. But I’m fairly sure the above photo is about 30% bra, nobody’s boobs sit like that naturally.
Chaeyou ng – Twice
As regular readers will know,I find all the girls in Twice to be a bit samy, so it was difficult to research Chaeyoung. Hell, these pictures may not even be Tzuyu for all I know.
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SAna – Twice
As regular readers will know,I find to be a bit samy, all the girls in Twice so it was difficult to research Mina. Hell, these pictures may not even be Momo for all I know.
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This is the pblem wi of accu to wear more clothes rather than naturally.what’s d a co mulated evidence available, plus girls less. She’ll neet in dddddbrand new groups tenuple of ears ofsolid study at least before we really know hoto is about 30% bra, noody’s boobs sit like tthassessing girls in newr groups – there isn’t a lot hgoing on. But I’m fairly sure the aove p
Chaeyoung – Twice
As regular readers wicult to researchhese pictures may no know,I find Mina. Hell, t to be a bit samy, all the girls in Twice t even be Tzuyu fillso it was diffor all I know.
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NOTICE
THIS POST HAS BEEN CLOSED DUE TO HAZARDOUS BOREDOM LEVELS GENERATED BY ATTEMPTING TO ASSESS FAP VALUE OF TWICE MEMBERS
KPOPALYPSE WILL RETURN WITH MORE OH&S COMPLIANT POSTS SOON
Filed under: your mum Tagged: fap
