Checking your k-pop privilege with Kpopalypse

Have you ever been talking online about something k-pop related, and then somebody told you to “check your privilege”?  Did you know that there are a lot of privileges that affect k-pop fans?  Do you also know that there’s never a bad time to check your privilege?  Always on the lookout for ways to help his readers, Kpopalypse will now help you to check your k-pop privilege!

Checking your privilege can be tough.  First, you need to work out if you do have privilege, and then you need to work out what to do with it.  It’s a good thing that Kpopalypse blog is here to guide you through this important process.  Firstly, let’s break down some of the main privileges that benefit k-pop fans, to help make checking your privilege easier!

NORTHERN HEMISPHERIAN PRIVILEGE

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, you lucky duck, seasonal k-pop comebacks will actually make sense to you.  You can shudder along with your favourite k-pop stars in winter, and get sweaty and smelly with them in summer.  Some people don’t have this privilege and get “spring songs” like “Cherry Blossom Ending” shoved down their throat just when it start to get cold and everything flowery starts shrivelling up and dying.  All you Northern Hemispherians are undoubtedly extremely privileged when it comes to anything k-pop, but even if you’re not a “Northerner” you may still have…

BIG CITY WHERE K-POP ARTISTS MIGHT GO PRIVILEGE

Some of you folks no doubt live in or near some of the world’s larger urban centres, which means k-pop tours that are actually worth a damn may turn up at your doorstep.  You may therefore one day be able to experience an underwhelming overpriced k-pop concert without also having to jump on a plane.  Spare a thought for unprivileged folks who have to fork out hefty sums of money for expensive air travel.  However this leads us to…

AIR TRAVEL TO K-POP CONCERTS PRIVILEGE

Just because you have to fly 5600kms to stand for five hours to see a k-pop star gyrate on a stage in some shithouse super-short running length rip-off concert where they pad the event out with stupid audience banter and playing all the best songs twice or three times, doesn’t mean you’re not also privileged.  Don’t think that you can claim k-pop underprivileged victim status, not everybody can afford to just go and fly somewhere because oppa’s flaccid penis is approaching the same longitudinal coordinate, you know.

ONLINE MONEY-WASTING ON OVERPRICED PHOTOBOOKS PRIVILEGE

However even people who can’t attend concerts at all are still privileged.  If you’re someone who not only has Internet access but also a credit card, you’re still on a huge level of privileged-ness.  You can afford to pay a bunch of people to work to make photobooks and paste them together with cheap glue and mail them out to you.  This is definitely a privilege.

ACCESSING K-POP ON THE INTERNET PRIVILEGE

Or maybe you’re broke, so broke that you can’t even fulfill your one most important money-wasting life wish which is to have enough disposable income to support Kpopalypse on Patreon.  However you still have Internet access, or you wouldn’t be reading this.  Did you know that only 49.6% of people in the world have Internet access?  This means that if you’re reading this right now, you are part of an exclusive privileged minority group.  Your Internet enables you to enjoy k-pop at your leisure, so perhaps you should check your Internet privilege.

YOU ARE NOT A K-POP IDOL PRIVILEGE

Some people don’t have Internet access though.  If you follow k-pop, you’re probably not actually a k-pop idol, because people who are actually an active participant in that world don’t have time to follow anything closely because they’re too busy and often Internet access is highly restricted and monitored.  Idols probably don’t get the time to listen to all the new k-pop releases each week that some nice k-pop blogger posts up.  They’ve probably only got time to train, fap and sleep, which brings us to…

YOU CAN FAP TO K-POP IDOLS PRIVILEGE

It might not seem like you are privileged if you can masturbate to k-pop idols, as you may be preferring to have sex with them, but some people have mobility issues and cannot even fap at all so they need to hire hookers to get them off (a little-discussed but important facet of sex-industry work) so you should think about that.  Not everyone can jerk it freely whenever they want on public transport like EXO.

YOU ARE NOT KPOPALYPSE’S CAT PRIVILEGE

This is my cat.  Look at this fucking cat.

You are not this cat.  My cat doesn’t even know what k-pop is, or anything.  You are definitely privileged compared to my cat.  She can’t even recognise the club remix of T-ara’s “Lovey Dovey” playing in this cat video.  In fact, she doesn’t even know what a cat video is, even though she’s in it.  Imagine not knowing what something you are in is, wouldn’t that be weird?  Also my cat has to live with me and I’m a complete caonima.  You are privileged not to live with me, because I play annoying music and hog the Internet bandwidth all the time.

Now that you know some of the different ways in which you are definitely privileged, you can reflect and think about all the wonderful privileges you experience and be thankful for your fortunate life.  Isn’t it great to have privileges?  Clearly it’s objectively much better to have privileges than to not have privileges.  However some people don’t have as many privileges, for whatever reason.  Just unlucky, I guess, hey.  Gosh, it must be a bad time to be one of those underprivileged types.  Fortunately, you are not one of them, so you have nothing to worry about – great!

Gosh no – tsk tsk, so cynical.  People who keenly ask you to “check your privilege” are clearly only trying to be helpful with your journey of self-discovery and have the best interests of both you and society at heart, but nevertheless they are often oddly hazy about clarifying the next step in the process.  Once checked and assessed as correct and present, what to do with your newfound privileged status?  Never one to leave k-pop fans in the lurch without important moral guidance, I’ve come up with some helpful ideas.  Here are some things that you can do to utilise your newly revealed privilege for good and to enhance the lives of yourself and others:

LISTEN TO K-POP

Or not, up to you.  But this is a k-pop blog so I’m supposed to suggest this.  Some people can’t listen to k-pop so use your privilege if you have it.  Why not listen to the outstandingly popular song “Hwi Hwi” by LaBoum?  Listening to this great song certainly is a privilege, and I’m sure the girls of LaBoum feel very privileged for their recent success.

BUY K-POP SHIT ONLINE

Did you know that every time you use your privilege to buy k-pop, you’re giving valuable employment to people in the manufacturing industry in other countries?  You’re also helping to boost an industry which is struggling under the weight of declining physical sales.  Trust Kpopalypse that it feels good to use your privilege for good!

FAP TO K-POP IDOLS

Fapping is essential to maintaining good sexual health, plus it’s very educational.  After all, if you can’t satisfy yourself sexually, how is anyone else ever going to?  Fapping is also very religious, after all if god didn’t want people to fap, he wouldn’t have created Hitomi Tanaka.  However fapping is not a right, but a privilege, so be sure to exercise your privilege to fap.  Here is a video of IU that you can use for fapping purposes, if you wish.

Or if you prefer fapping to males, the video below may meet required standards:

ENJOY NOT BEING A K-POP IDOL

Being a k-pop idol can really suck and has a lot of downsides, just ask “no reason” sidebar girl Sorn.  An even more privileged blogsite than Kpopalypse recently covered her videos where she talks about idol life, do be sure to check out this content to fully appreciate your privilege.  Which brings us to:

START A K-POP BLOG

Nothing says “I have lots of privilege and want to share it with everyone” more than devoting hours of time each week to publicising a frivolous, superficial music genre where young people with less privilege than you are exploited for money.  I have been personally privileged to write for both Anti Kpop-Fangirl and Asian Junkie at various points.  People often ask Kpopalypse for tips on writing about k-pop or starting a k-pop blog, to which I say “never mind your heart – follow your privilege”.

By following these guidelines, you can check your privilege constructively and then use the results to enhance the lives of yourself and others!  Kpopalypse will return with more privileged content soon!