People are always / asking me for all my “thoughts” / about k-pop songs
I normally do / not review songs, I find it / boring as batshit
But due to demand / I will make an exception / and review some songs
Please now enjoy these / Korean pop songs reviews / in Haiku format
These are all for songs / that I have been asked for my / “thoughts” on recently
Just because it is / better than I Got A Boy / does not say a lot
They love me cos I’m / using cringeworthy English / where is my rifle
That cheesy chorus / cripples a good song, oh well / at least they look good
IU’s “Modern Times” / has made jazz big bands trendy / now we pay the price
K.will & Mamamoo – Peppermint Chocolate
Ride on K.will’s fame / smart publicity move, girls / pity the song sucks
No-one gave a shit / about this group until now / sexy concepts work
A really good song / hope The Eurythmics don’t sue / good luck with that, girls
Once I stopped fapping / I noticed the song was good / nobody else cared
This sounds a lot like / all their other fucking songs / that’s not a bad thing
Go back to the front / shatter North Korean shells / with that falsetto
Dubstep please fuck off / out of Korean pop songs / you have no place here
Are you kidding me / I’m over eight years old cunt / fuck this Disney trash
Smoky girl smoky / girl smoky girl smoky girl / too repetitive
Girl’s Day – Nothing Lasts Forever
This is really good / where did this songwriter go / hire him back, you whores
It didn’t need all / those extra sections in it / it’s really too long, and the structure is / all over / the place, it could have / used some trimming down, like, seriously edit that fucker – remove / all the pointless sections /and we don’t need Taewoon rapping in every CCM song these days do we / other than that I guess it was okay / they have worse songs I suppose
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The next list is all / fan video submissions / from my ask fm
I told followers / to submit videos that / they wanted “thoughts” on
And that I would then / put my answers in a blog / for them to visit
They were not told that / I would use haiku format / for the reviewing
I received over / 100 song submissions / these are the best ones
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This song is decent / wow a good Infinite song / sometimes pigs do fly
Kahi ft. Dumbfoundead – It’s Me
What a boring song / I guess Kahi’s time is up / unemployable
Clazziquai Project – Sweetest Name
Jamiroquai sucks / so do any Koreans / ripping off his trash
Clazziquai Project – Love Recipe
Haiku verses are / not sufficient to describe / how boring this is
Wonder Girls ft. Akon – Like Money
Great Shodan concept / but Sohee’s hair is horrid / time to shoot myself
Lyn ft. Junhyung – Breakable Heart
Worthless ballad trash / why k-pop fans like this shit / I have no idea
Raping my eardrums / stop making music right now / my ears will thank you
Called “Painkiller” but / not a Judas Priest cover / I am disappoint
Bumkey ft. Dynamic Duo – Attraction
Why is most k-rap / wimpy soft R&B shite / Ellin is hot though
Boring disco funk / but it’s okay because I / don’t need sound to fap
League of Legends skins / is the only worthwhile thing / that this song produced
I have this album / I tried to give it away / no-one wanted it
If I was that girl / I would have picked the guy with / no greasy mullet
Singing in her ear / take your shit ballad elsewhere / she just wants some sleep
What’s Your Name was crap / this is slightly better but / so is lung cancer
The only good song / TVXQ ever had / as a five piece group
K-pop fans are dumb / I saw the plot twist coming / 40 seconds in
Song starts off okay / why does it go all stupid / trendy fucking shit
What is “manyo maash”? / maybe she means her cleavage / I’m not complaining
The most consistent / nine member k-pop girl group / in the world today
I forgot this group / had a ballad this awful / unlistenable
Great early concept / why they also do soft songs / I don’t fucking know
Why did the label / x over the naughty word / when she still sings it?
Shinsadong Tiger / must take them on Bangbus trips / book them now, ladies
NS Yoon-G ft. Jay Park – If You Love Me
Watched the whole MV / saw almost zero boobies / what a waste of time
Apink: a request / please do a sexy concept / just to troll k-netz
This sounds a lot like / T-ara’s Apple Is A / except not as good
Girls’ Generation – Galaxy Supernova
Why such a low res / what good is SNSD / without the perving
Who builds a sports court / with concrete posts in the way / how fucking stupid
Nell – Four Times Around The Sun
Nell is fucking shit / why get excited by this / third-rate Coldplay clone
Sounds a bit EXO / I guess these days EXO get / SM’s reject songs
Guard tower unmanned / hey sniper get back up there / your work not finished
Tip for single men: / breaking into her bedroom / not a good idea
Bora and CL / should release a rap project / called “bad meaning bad”
Hyoyoung crawls into / her sister’s gaping cunthole / and finds a rodent
They blocked out the sun / burning junk to make MVs / for shit k-ballads
This veteran group / should have enough business clout / to refuse dubstep
Itaewon Freedom ft. J. Y. Park
JYP should have / given this song to miss A / not that Hush garbage
DSP hate them / fixing aspect ratio / low priority
Wow Girl’s Day sure had / some complete fucking stinkers / in the early days
Nazi fetish look / without swastika armbands? / cake without icing
Tae Jin Ah – I Love You, Darling
The best song ever / my purpose in life complete / I can die happy
