Very many folks / seemed to really quite enjoy / my Haiku reviews
As Kpopalypse / is always happy to please / all of his readers
I have now returned / with even more song reviews / in Haiku format
Sit back and enjoy / as I take a runny dump / on all of your faves
The following songs / in a convenient list / alphabeticised
These selections were / requested through ask.fm / by my Caonimas
If the song you picked / is not below I may have / reviewed it before
In my previous / Haiku post, best–worst lists or / five word song reviews
Or perhaps I just / left your shitty song out to / make you really mad
Anyway there is / a horny jizzload of songs / so let’s get started
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Falsetto chorus / like being hit in the nutsack / by a bad driver
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Boring smooth soft crap / described perfectly by the / insightful song name
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Kemy and Minju / had those two great mixtape raps / so why does this suck
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Sorn from CLC / Will probably look like this / in about ten years
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Tedious mish-mash / of all their much better songs / in a crap medley
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Waited for Jimin / to say “Hey!” so I could fap / it was not to be
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Waited for Jimin / to say “Hey!” so I could fap / ahh, that’s more like it
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Nobody wants to / hear AOA’s generic / filler k-ballads
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Brilliant production / and great beats, shame about the / crappy blues based song
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Shinsadong Tiger / doesn’t hit gold all the time / evidence is here
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Emotionally / manipulating their fans / for a fast buck works
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BigBang finally / makes something vaguely like a / proper fucking song
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Black Nut ft. Genius Nochang – 100
Black Nut is good fun / if only idols also / had his attitude
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Two zero one five / is the year nugu groups ran / out of MV cash
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BoA runs SM / so she saves all the good songs / mainly for herself
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MV girl is hot / think I might turn the song off / and just fap to her
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Threatens to be good / but doesn’t quite get up there / oh well nice try folks
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They only know love / maybe they should have learned some / songwriting instead
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Okay, this standard / New Jack Swing by numbers is / not too bad I guess
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Ladies if you like / kpop boys in uniform / your porn has arrived
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I guess now that we / don’t have BAP these days / this will have to do
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With a name like that / I expected something fast / not this reggae lite
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Chad Future & Aron – Got It Figured Out
Cannot decide if / Aron or Chad has the worst / creepy camera stare
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Chae Yeon – Even If I Don’t See
Be honest ladies / you only picked this song for / Jaehyosturbation
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Clara looks stupid / plus the song is pretty crap / can still fap, all good
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One day Dal Shabet / might hit the pop A-list but / not with this garbage
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I guess rapists must / like vocal harmonising / in their boy group songs
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Open World’s rapist / or their new agency’s clothes / not sure which is worse
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Nugus once again / showing the A-list groups a / decent fucking song
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Is it X-I-D / or E-X-I-D? Thanks for / fucking this post up
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Worthless ballad trash / the type that clogs up all the / k-pop albums now
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EXO and football / a bigger styling fail than / Martina’s loose clothes
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Before Tymee days / E.via had proper beats / not shit rap ballads
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Maybe they refused / the bangbus ride so Tiger / gave them this dull song
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f(x) are odd as / they do have good album tracks / trufax, caonimas
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The song G-Dragon / has been trying to write for the / last three years but can’t
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The parts are all good / but they don’t fit together / like Hyuna’s body
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Like most k-pop groups / 4Minute’s album tracks are / rejected singles
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At least it’s heavy / or as heavy as these groups / are allowed to get
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Absolute shit song / in a transgressive package / so you notice it
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A ben-wa bead song / concept is innovative / but not the music
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Better than Glass Bead / which is just a clone of that / SNSD song
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Back when Girl’s Day had / good synthpop features, not the / lame shit they do now
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Awful messy trash / Girl’s Day sound like Sistar now / for the bucks I guess
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Cool electro swing / should have been the feature track / their agency sucks
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Designed for concert / lightstick waving, remember / where the on switch is
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Girls’ Generation – Girls’ Generation
Back when you could tell / which member was which just by / looking at their face
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Girls’ Generation – I’m In Love With The Hero
With a name like that / they should have made it sound like / Eye Of The Tiger
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About as good as / SNSD’s album tracks / ever fucking get
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There are only two / things I watch SNSD / MVs for these days
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Girls’ Generation – You-aholic
Another basic / SNSD album track / nothing to see here
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If Hello Venus / did this concept from debut / they would be rich now
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One of the better / boy groups around now, with a / pleasing lack of swag
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Very generic / with that lame whistling shit that / all the groups have now
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Not nearly enough / of Hong Jin Young’s boobs displayed / I am disappoint
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Teenage kids try to / sound tough with fake growly voice / quaking in my boots
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This isn’t too bad / at least it has some guitar / that’s something I guess
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Too much of this weak / crap in K-pop but at least / this is well written
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She has heard Detox / but Kpopalypse has not / I’m not fit to judge
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The only song that / Unpretty Rapstar gave us / that was any good
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A good story to / manipulate you into / liking a shit song
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JYP ft. Jessi – Who’s Your Mama?
JYP looks like / even more of a pervert / than me, I approve
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It’s okay but it / lacks the metal influence / of their better tracks
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Back when you could tell / which member was which just by / looking at their face
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Great 60’s girl group / style song that nobody liked / because they all suck
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Lizzy ft. Jung Hyung Don – Not An Easy Girl
Lizzy sounds great here / but I wish she really was / a bit easier
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How fucking maudlin / can these sour sobs fucking go / out and get some sun
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Lovelyz – Amusement Park/Joyland
This is pretty good / Lovelyz have good album tracks / not sure why that is
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Lovelyz going down / Stock Aitken Waterman path / it does work for them
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Decent verses are / ruined by the blues chorus / waste of a good song
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If Dal Shabet had / this as a feature track they / might have got somewhere
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Let’s not make Johnny / Noh’s ego any bigger / with crap songs like these
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Glad this one never / came out as a feature track / it’s as shit as “Breathe“
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More yoloswag stuff / but this one is pretty good / catchy synth saves it
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Sounds like music from / an 80s action film scene / not too bad I guess
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Boy groups killing each / other with guns, soon the world / will be perfect – shoot!
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This song is nothing / great but still better than most / boy group songs that year
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If I had the choice / I would have not reviewed this / lame album filler
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It isn’t bad but / the Tarantinoesque start / outperforms the song
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This is the song that / “Catch Me If You Can” should have / been like, but was not
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Nine Muses do not / have good album tracks but this / is an exception
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Very average / song title sounds like a good / idea, flush it down
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Nothing special here / but notable for some cool / theremin backing
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Maybe the best song / these nugus have ever had / but still not that great
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It’s easy to see / why Rainbow struggled for fame / with this boring crap
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Finally Rainbow / get a good feature track, it / only took 6 years
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Nothing special here / grateful that this song wasn’t / picked as the feature
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Pretty cool song but / I still can’t tell them apart / someone help me please
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I often hate this / type of funk disco thing but / Risso is good here
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Why why is Shannon / doing a Traci Lords on / uncle fans, stop that
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I want my three and / a half minutes back that I / spent hearing this shit
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Best SHINee feature / track in a while but all their / others are bad, so…
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What is this crapstep / didn’t they get the memo / this is a dead style
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Screechy annoying / chorus sinks all the appeal / this song could have had
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What’s with Sonamoo’s / agency, all their fillers / are better than their…
Sonamoo – Nation’s Little Sister
…fucking shit feature / not that these songs are good but / “Deja Vu” was trash
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This song is good but / still Mina from AOA’s / Audrey Hepburn wins
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If you don’t want to / be teased please do a proper / MV next time thanks
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I was introduced / to Heelys by SPEED, thanks for / enhancing my life
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Super Junior Happy – Pajama Party
This was a real thing? / Christ Super Junior released / some pure fucking turds
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The crap keeps coming / seems lovestruck Shindong fangirls / will buy anything
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“Holler” was a much / better song, that’s why it was / the feature – trufax
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Disgusting blues trash / I listen to k-pop to / get away from this
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The chimps finding a / mic is appropriate for / YG’s career path
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Nothing all that great / but still better than what they / did as a five piece
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Pretty sure that this / group were always a two piece / where’s my cheque SM
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Country k-pop song / that is about 1% / country, what a fail
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Vasco, Shannon Williams & Giriboy – Breath
Yet another dull / rap ballad, Korea has / millions of these shits
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The Vinylhouse – Negative Love
Boring song that is / well-matched with an equally / boring video
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Typical yolo / swag shit, Wa$$up should go back / to breakdance music
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Wonder Girls also / had decent album tracks which / is unusual…
…k-pop albums are / usually bad because / they are not designed…
from the ground up as / albums but just the feature / plus leftover junk
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Apt song title as / trainees at their agency / found out all too soon
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Someone asked me if / this was shot with a drone – yes! / Click here for the proof!
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Tagged: reviews
