The Kpopalypse 2016 survey of caonima action – the results!

Read on for all the results of the Kpopalypse 2016 survey of caonima action!

A total of exactly 700 caonimas filled out the Kpopalypse survey!  Without further ado, here’s all the answers!

Question 1: Hi! How are you? Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.

For some reason half of you freak out when I ask this, I have no idea why as I ask it every single survey, I thought you guys might be used to it by now, but I guess not.  I’m good, for those who asked!  Here’s some other questions and comments that people had, and my answers.

I’m always surprised at how seriously you actually answer those. I’m fine i guess. I’ve started being in a new University extremely far from my parents place. Everything is still a bit scary and I want to be healthy and shit, but i feel like i will keep eating junkfood and… please tell me to eat like a decent human being.

Eat like a decent human being.  There, that was easy.

I fill out this survey every year and I can never come up with an answer that’s funny or unique enough that will get featured because my life is boring af. Why do you think I would ever sit down to do these surveys if my life wasn’t? Send help!!

Hopefully having your answer here helps.  I also plan to entertain you with more posts for the future!

studying for my upcoming uni exam pls wish me luck oppar

Good luck!

Hi. I’m sad. My crush thinks I’m ugly. She’s probably right.

Sounds like just the reason you need to move on.

I don’t really know. I have been reading your blog since I was a wee freshman in high school and now I am a freshman in university… Yesterday, I blacked out from stress during a timed quiz and basically have been sick for the past couple days due to fatigue. I haven’t been able to read your articles in a while, but coming back makes me feel better now

Success!

How much is too much and how little is too little. Aren’t these the questions that drive us in life? Should we continue to ponder upon the enigma that surrounds our existence? Why am I writing this instead of my essay? I didn’t even write anything funny or intellectual. It might look that I am not getting my degree. Sorry mom and dad.

Boram.

I’m from Norway and thus just doing this survey to distract myself from the hungry polar bear in my backyard, surely you must have experienced something similar as an Australian.

Not quite but I nearly trod on a brown snake once.  Fun times.

Why isn’t Kpopalypse called Kpopcalypse instead? Isn’t that a more natural pronunciation?

Not for me, at least!  “Kpopcalypse” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, you’re adding an extra hard consonant in there for no reason.  Much easier to say “Kpopalypse” on radio without having to stumble across that extra C.  “Kpopalypse” is supposed to be analogous with “apocalypse” but although “apocalypse” has a “c”, it’s not worth replicating because in terms of syllable meter it lines up with the second “p” in “Kpopalypse” so to also throw the c in there too is really adding something completely superfluous, it’s awkward and jarring and that’s why I don’t do it.

fuck you

no u

I’m a bit sad: My bf thinks I’m an otaku because I listen to K-Pop and when I say that anime and K-Pop aren’t related, he says that I’m so immature and goes on raving about Muse/Vance Joy/Janis Joplin. He used to make fun of my weight, too… I think I’ll get used to it in time. Anyway, how are you oppar?

Kpopalypse pro tip: you can do better.

Omigosh hi! This is like really nice of you to ask me! I don’t even know how I was before but you like totally lifted up my mood! I’m so happy to be here!

Hi Tiffany, glad you could make it.

Hi, fucking great, cheers from Costa Rica! This has become my favorite site to read at work to get back at my bosses for not wanting to raise my salary and hire useless idiots, and also to learn about the timeless arts of Rainaism and best practices of Caonima code of conduct. In all seriousness, you have opened my eyes to how the Kpop industry works and knowing how shady and shitty it is, has made me appreciate the genre more.

Hey boss, if you’re reading over this employee’s shoulder, studies show that workers who are given higher financial incentives are more productive.  Also consider this employee for a role in the HR department.

I am very seriously contemplating suicide.

Don’t do it!  You can’t caonima when you’re dead.  I will try to help keep you alive by giving you entertaining postings to anticipate.

Family falling apart. I feel like it’s my fault although my mom insists that it’s not my fault. Not a great day. Having a panic attack. Doing this survey to calm myself down. It probably won’t work. But I can try. Wow my dad is such a fucking cuntrag, that little bitch. Why the fuck does he have to upset my mom? She’s such a wonderful person. Fucking cuntrag, he is. Wow, that felt good.

Feel good now.

Although I’m pretty sure that you’ve stated before that you’re half Asian, for some reason I imagine you to be a Steve Aoki look-alike. Not meant to be an insult at all, it’s just what I imagine reading through your articles.

I don’t look Asian at all!  Actually when a friend of mine watched “Triumph Of The Will” he said that a lot of the soldiers looked like me, which is probably accurate.

It’s not a matter of how, but why – why am I? Why do I exist? What has happened in the universe that enabled human beings to exist?

Boram.

Reading a shitty ass book for school. I hate it but my cat seems to love it, considering he’s been chewing on the cover for the past hour. How’s your cat doing? And you too, I guess.

I’m fine i guess. (My grandma died and i’m not as sad as i thought i would be. But I’m sure other people would thing that I’m awful human being for not showing remorse by crying. So idk…I’M probably an awful human being) You can ignore this, sorry. I just wanted to answer your question, but i have nothing worthy of mentioning happening in my life besides this.

One of the reasons I wrote my “Who Killed EunB” post is to demonstrate that different people grieve in different ways and that this is okay.

I’m wrestling my way through a “k-pop 2016” playlist right now, so even though I’m blissfully immune to the sound of Fender Rhodes, the high density of ballads and trap, and the sheer volume of comments calling things “underrated”, or praising “the high note”, are slowly killing me.

Stay strong.  I’ll help at the end of the year with a list of not-shit songs.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little cao ni ma? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SM trainee academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on YG, and I have over 300 confirmed plagiarisms. I am trained in guerilla breakdance and I’m the top winner in all the music awards shows. You are nothing to me but just another fangirl. I will wipe you the fuck out with sexy concepts the likes of which have never been seen before on this Mcountdown stage, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the v-live? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of PD-nims across South Korea and your fanbase username is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your dedication. You’re fucking dead, cao ni ma. I can be anywhere, anytime(thanks to my caffeine-crazed driver), and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my abs. Not only am I extensively trained in bad singing, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the JYP wardrobe and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “supportive” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, cao ni ma.

Come at me, bro.

I am struggling. My boyfriend of 7 years has depression. Last year he attempted suicide which I was unfortunate enough to witness, but I guess was also fortunate enough to, because I was able to save him. He still has depression and ever day I’m scared he will try again. My sister is dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness and has attempted suicide twice in the last month. I’m trying to help, and it’s really scary knowing that what I say and do can have really bad effects i I’m not careful. I just want them to be happy. I can’t tell anyone in real life about my struggles because it gets back to my sister and boyfriend, and it just upsets them. So, I hope you don’t mind being slightly vented to.

Depression makes people do strange things.  I know because I had it for a long time before my doctor recognised a B12 deficiency and then I was about 90% cured by vitamin supplements.  Life is good now, but for a long time it wasn’t.  All you can really do is be there, you can support people but they ultimately have to find their own way and you’re not responsible if they don’t.

I’m good oppar, but I’m just a bit sad that I keep dislocating my shoulder when I play badminton. I really have to stop playing but that means giving up something I have enjoyed playing for a year and stop meeting the people and friends I see (and like) every time I play, it really sucks, but I can’t keep on playing and fuck up my shoulder even more which will eventually affect by bodybuilding too, sucks so bad. I’ve tried playing it mildly, but I kept popping out my shoulders, I am still in denial that I must stop playing right now, but I think I will eventually quit :((. I salute you if you actually read this whole thing.

I totally read it.  Also, see a sport physio if you can, there might be a compromise solution.

Please help me wih my theses!! I am lost T_T

Hopefully this helps.

Not great, actually. This is my second attempt at filling in this survey. Originally I said that I was doing great. Then I got to question 25 and I had to go and read Dara+ to be able to answer that question since there was no ‘idk’ option. By the time I got back, I had to change this answer because I wasn’t doing so great. Yeah I like your fanfics, but I don’t like feeling like I’m forced to read them, you cunt. At least I’d already read the others, I guess.

You could have just ticked “meh” or “shit” like everyone else who didn’t read them did.  Silly.

Better as soon as I saw Qri’s picture. Did she get implants?

Investigated here.

I am troubled. I got into kpop around 2010 when snsd was flying high. I stanned them very hard and even found myself enjoying other groups.(t-ara, shinee, ect.) I frequented mainstream garbage sites like allkpop and koreaboo, unaware of the trash news I was consuming as frequently as meals. It took me nearly four years just to find asianjunkie.com and boy was I excited at actual opinions. Asianjunkie.com then lead me to antikpopfangirl and I really felt like the veil had been pulled off and I was seeing real news and people were actually making valid points. I jumped off the snsd hype train after j-day(Jessica’s departure). I was confused and didn’t know where to turn to stan groups. I found comfort in AOA and Exid as they were both gaining widespread acceptance. What I’m actually troubled about is that I just jump from fandom to fandom determined by popularity. Is this how this should work? I feel like I understand the underworkings of this music industry better thanks to the work you guys do. But I still feel like I am controlled by the masses opinion.(Twice Fandom..but I actually like their songs). So for someone with more experience in music is this what happens you just jump on hypetrains and move on when they lose steam. (side note I like antikpopfangirl and your blog more than asianjunkie).

Fandoms aren’t even necessary.  Just listen to music, don’t worry about fans and fandoms.  Stop reading comments sections.  Stop reading gossip articles and netizen sites.  Perhaps unplug yourself completely from the social media circus about groups for a while and just watch YouTubes (going through my roundup posts might help, but ignore my comments).  Try to form an opinion that has everything to do with what you see and hear and nothing to do with anything you read about what you see and hear.  You might find some cool stuff this way.

Question 2: The Kpopalypse bi-yearly survey is my best friend, is the Kpopalypse bi-yearly survey your best friend?

Most people felt that the Kpopalypse bi-yearly survey was their best friend.  Sorry that I don’t have an oblong red arrow statue to give you all to fawn over.

Question 3: Quick demographic information question: your gender?

Did you know that more females than males read Kpopalypse blog?  Well, now you do!  47% of readers who completed the survey were female, and 41% were male.  The remaining 12% were pansexual otherkin fairies from SHINee World or whatever the fuck, hopefully you gender-fluid types got some smug satisfaction from filling out this question.

Question 4: Your relationship status?

Most Kpopalypse readers are single!  Feel free to introduce yourselves in the comments section below!

Question 5: This is a picture of Korean singer Puer Kim.  Why is this picture here?

Hopefully you all found a later use for the picture of Puer Kim.

Question 6: Which idol that has NOT been covered in any of the three boobs posts should be covered in “big boobs in k-pop part 4”? This question can be skipped if you can’t think of any, or just cbf.

I actually wanted to include a list of all the women covered in posts 1, 2 and 3 to make it easier for you all to nominate choices, however I couldn’t find a way to make such a list display neatly in the survey itself.  It seems that many of you needed it because the vast majority of people who filled out this question selected someone who has already been covered.  Here’s the list anyway for future reference.

Those who did have good suggestions that weren’t in this list, look forward to having them covered soon – probably!

Question 7: Kpopalypse is in the middle of conceptualising two fanfics for Halloween. Which fanfiction idea should Kpopalypse go with for 2016?

Most people actually didn’t care because they’re smart enough to realise that all my shit is the same.

Question 8: As a show of solidarity and also to raise awareness for people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, please leave the below text box blank. Thank you.

Many people didn’t appreciate me making this question a mandatory question, thus forcing respondents to fill the box with something.  This was a deliberate act on my part with the function of raising awareness, I really wanted you all to feel the suffering of intense OCD so you could understand just what these people go through in their daily lives.  Please be more tolerant and understanding of your OCD-suffering brothers, sisters and pansexual otherkin from SHINee World, thank you.

Question 9: Would you watch a Kpopalypse v-log?

Even though I don’t like v-logs much in general, many people would watch a Kpopalypse v-log.  However almost as many people would happily settle for more cat videos.

Question 10: A neighbour who just moved in next to me is never home. At the front of his dwelling are security cameras that he installed himself, and the curtains are always shut, but there’s some odd blue light inside the building every night. It’s almost certain that he has a hydroponics lab in there, but is he a fan of Oh My Girl’s comeback?

Opinion was divided evenly over whether he is a fully-fledged Oh My Girl fan with all the albums, or if he just likes Skull & Haha.  Not as many people thought he was a Cypress Hill fan only, probably because most people listen to a completely weak, watered-down bullshit version of hip-hop these days and would poo their pants if they heard anything as good as Cypress Hill’s first two albums.

Question 11: Did you know that there is some sort of lame controversy about Oh My Girl’s Yooa at the moment?

Everybody was in agreement on this one, which was great to see.  Glad to see that my continued campaign to make people stop giving a shit about stupid netizen-manufactured pop idol scandals and the utter shit that gets spread around on crappy k-pop “news” sites that overinflate the importance of netizen opinion for clicks is working as intended.  Of course, I only gave one possible answer to this question for you to select from, but if you felt the urge to respond in a different way then perhaps this question irritated you to the point where you experienced some kind of positive epiphany and woke up to yourself about how you were wasting your life.  Here’s hoping.

Question 12: Has the Kpopalypse website not having ads any more changed your life for the better?

I recently removed advertising from my site completely and I wanted to know how you all felt about that.  Most of you actually didn’t give a shit but I’ll keep adverts gone anyway because it’s ideologically important to me to not have them.

Question 13: Why can’t all other k-pop websites be cool like Kpopalypse and remove their advertising?

A fairly even split in the responses to this question.  Maybe all options have a grain of truth to them.

Question 14: What technical thing about the world of music in k-pop would you like Kpopalypse to cover, that he hasn’t covered yet? You can skip this question if you can’t think of anything.

Thanks for all your suggestions!  I won’t repeat any of them here, but I’ll use the good ones for future blog posts!

Question 15: What do you think CL thinks “Shorty” means?

Many people felt that CL may have been hopeful about short contract terms.  I guess at this point she doesn’t want a 2NE1 comeback any more than anybody else does.

Question 16: Please enter how many fucks you give (as a numerical value between 0 and 100) about translated netizen comments.

The average number of fucks given by a Kpopalypse reader was 26.  Most people selected zero fucks, and a few even worked out that you could give negative fucks, but this was mitigated by the high number of people who chose 69 fucks.

Question 17: Did you enjoy QRIMOLE? Do you want more QRIMOLE?

Most readers wanted more QRIMOLE, although a surprisingly high amount of readers also didn’t know what QRIMOLE was.  If you were one of those readers who was confused, you can read all about QRIMOLE at this link, and for the rest of you, know that there will definitely be more QRIMOLE!

Question 18: Word association: “Blackpink”

Just over half of you associated YG’s new girl group with the word “blackpink”.  Go go, YG brand power!

Question 19: This is a picture of Seoyul from Berry Good, it’s taken from their latest Makestar project page.  What’s the most important quality in becoming an “aegyo expert”?

Kpopalypse readers are well-versed in the power of high determination levels!  This outweighed other factors in determining aegyo expertise.

Question 20: I’ve used ranked questions in previous surveys and they got an overwhelmingly negative reaction from mobile phone users. This test question is just filled with random text bars so if you want, you can test the survey’s “rank” questions on your mobile phone to see if it’s gotten any better or if it’s still a pain in the ass to use. Click and hold the text bars to slide them around and place them in whatever order you like. Or don’t, if it’s too much hassle.

Most of you whined about not being able to slide the slidey bars on mobile phones again, but a few of you worked out that instead of sliding you could click the rank numbers and overtype them with new numbers, thus changing the order, which was the sort of discovery that I hoped someone would make so I could use this type of question format for future surveys.  Good work, caonimas!

Question 21: Word association: “Red Velvet”

Incredibly, readers were able to associate “red velvet” most strongly with the SM girl group, and not the last time they paid for sex.

Question 22: We all know that Zico famously says it in “Tough Cookie”, but what is the most likely real meaning of “faggot bitch”?

Some of you were upset by the content of this question, but many of you realised that “faggot bitch” is a term that Zico meant in a musical sense and is totally fine to use because it is used loosely and commonly in America and just means loser or idiot.  It’s just as well Netizenbuzz explained that clearly so you wouldn’t hate on Zico, isn’t it nice that she editorialises her articles with helpful context, debunking misconceptions equally for all celebrities of any type Block B members who are undergoing unfair controversy.

Question 23: Observe the following video.  Just reminding you that this group existed, once.  How do you feel?

Kpopalypse never trolls his readers, but when he does, he uses After School videos.  Hey at least about 15% of you appreciated the joke.

Question 24: This is a picture of Eunjung from T-ara.  Eunjung appears to be waiting for something. What could it be?

Poor Eunjung.  I hope she’s comfortable in that chair because it looks like she might be waiting a while.

Question 25: Rate your enjoyment of the following Kpopalypse fanfictions.

“Hyuna and The Good Fan” was the clear winner here.  Many people just clicked “meh” or “shit” for all five fanfics because they don’t even read them, which is fine – appreciating Kpopalypse’s anti-fanfiction fanfiction is an activity reserved only for the caonima elite!  Some people complained about feeling forced to read the fanfics before filling in this question but this complaint seemed weird to me, as many of you obviously lied on a bunch of the other questions so I’m not sure why you had a problem with lying on this one.

Question 26: Who would be most likely to truthfully complete a Kpopalypse interview?

Most of the options came off as equally unlikely, which from my experience seems accurate!

Question 27: Here is a picture of Clara and a horse to say thank you for doing this survey.  If you have any feedback about Kpopalypse posts or anything you’d like to tell Kpopalypse, you can do so here.  Thanks for your participation!

Here’s some selected feedback and my responses.

Since your readership seems very interested in your personal tastes (especially if yours match theirs), would you consider to do in the future something similar to your weekly roundup but with girl groups and boy groups? Like a general impressions overview of a group. That way your readers can finally read your considerations on their biases and die of joy/sadness. Or spend the rest of their days perpetually annoyed.

No because part of the point of why I write is to show people that caring about specific groups is reasonably pointless as the groups are fairly interchangeable for the most part.  It makes more sense for me to care about the songs in isolation, hence the roundup is song-focused, not group focused.

I had really bad diarrhea this morning and I thought it was because I had a flashback to CL’s new song but it’s actually because of the fucking caramel frappucino starbucks concocted me with milk. I just found out I’m lactose intolerant and I fear my life is over. I know this might seem funny to you but I truly feel like shit.

Soy milk is potentially great and gets a bad rap, but you just have to find the right brand.  They all taste wildly different.

Your surveys should be longer. At least 50 questions long. I wouldn’t even mind 100 questions, honestly.

I would do this, but these results posts take hours and would take even longer with more questions.  I think it would test the patience of both myself and readers!

I’ve always had trouble ignoring other people’s opinions and thoughts about me since I was young. Somehow words just stick inside my head and bring me down despite rationally knowing that it’s best for me to just ignore them. This lead me to become very unconfident with myself and often lead to very mild anxiety and/or depression. Following your blog for the past year and a half or so, I’ve slowly begun to buy in your fuck-everyone-else’s-opinions attitude. Ironically, I bought into that idea by initially caring about your opinion. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks, because seeing your don’t-care attitude has helped inspire me to become more like that. Hopefully this leads to me becoming a more confident person in the future. To close it up, I just wanna wish you all the best in life and thanks again for entertaining us with your content!

Cheers!

Yeah i’d love for a collab between you and Asian Junkie to rip Johnny a new asshole and then record whether or not he tries to ddos your site like he did w/ entasia and onehallyu!!

I’d like this too, I pitched this to Asian Junkie but no response yet.  I assume he’s consulting his legal team.

I’ve been reading your content both on AKF and your own site since early 2012 and still love it. I don’t participate in the comments as much since I’ve gotten busier, but I don’t plan on leaving. Your fanfics and educational posts (and memes) are definitely the more reliable sources of enjoyment in my life. Thanks!

Thank you!

I like u oppar do u like me oppar notice me oppar

I like all my readers – even the ones who hate me!

nobody cares about your ex-girlfriends

Nobody cares about you not caring about my ex-girlfriends.

You should know that OH&S is now WHS (Workplace Health and Safety) as OH&S unfairly discriminated against those who were present at a workplace but lacked the determination to be occupied. It’s imperative to the safety of Hwayoung and her kind that you use the correct acronym.

Sorry but I really cbf going back and editing all 57 posts where I use that term.

Why did you remove google+ login for comments? I would like to post some comments from time to time, but now I have to create a fake FB account.

I didn’t.  This is happening at the WordPress end and is something I have no control over.

Idk what you can do about either of these things but
1) This survey looks fucked up on mobile
2) Are there actual videos or is my computer just shitty

1. Not much
2. yes there are videos your computer just sucks, sorry

You are my favorite blogger❤ Thanks for keeping up the blog~

Thank you!

thanks for removing the ads and the .wordpress extension! i remember donating money a while back, and i would’ve been cool if you just bought yourself like. a burger or smth. but this is nice too! thanks!

No adverts or silly extensions is more nutritious and healthier than burgers.

Thanks for shattering my delusions about kpop being pure and noble and my idols being TRUE ARTISTS and full of talent. Thanks for letting me know how I contribute nothing with buying my oppas’ albums, how the kpop industry is shit and how I should stop wasting my time writing all of this.

In all honesty, thanks to your articles uncovering the truth and shitting on the kpop industry, I now can enjoy kpop 6969% more than before. May Raina continue to bless you and really, have a nice day!! You deserve it!!! (^7^)//

Buuuuuuuut I’m giving this survey a 5/10, not enough abs to hold my attention keke

I’m sorry.  Here, have some chocolate.

Now that you’ve been doing this site for awhile, how long does it take to write an article? If you didn’t have this site, and us caonima’s, in your life; what would you do with all the free time?

Depends on the article.  Most take about half a day but some are a lot quicker, depends on the idea.  Really big posts take multiple days, and some articles are written in stages over many months.  If I had more free time I’d probably find some other crazy shit to get involved in where people would ask me the exact same question.

Not enough pictures please reflect and return with a more mature image

This survey SUCKED get a wife you shit

no u

Shoutout to your bootlegger because I work 8-5 weekdays and can never listen live

He’s doing the Lord’s work.

is it bad to want to fuck an idol? like I’m not saying actually believing that I’m going to fuck that person, but i want to fuck them? asking because hoya from infinite.

It’s totally fine.  I’m sure we’ve almost all felt that way about someone.

How come the comments sign in options have changed? It’s now just twitter, wordpress and fb. I’m certain I used to use disqus or google to comment?

I’ve never had Disqus on this site.  Some people say they used to be able to comment with Google+ here but I don’t remember that either.  Perhaps you’re thinking of another site where an article of mine got reposted, such as Asian Junkie (which has Disqus) or Anti Kpop-Fangirl (where you can comment with Google+).

I’m a girl who likes the word cunt now and it’s all your fault. I don’t say it out loud though because I don’t want to seem extremely ratchet. Maybe it’s different in Australia but in the US, it’s considered a very offensive word. Plus I would only use it against a guy because fuck guys thinking being called anything related to a woman is offensive, they’re a bunch of cunts.

It’s offensive in Australia too but depends on context and the company involved etc. – think about how some “offensive” words in America are considered neutral or positive depending on who uses them and how, “cunt” is a little like that.

Okay so I’m here for advice and hopefully this gets posted so a bunch of other people can give advice: there’s a guy I like and he probs likes me too but honestly idk. We snuggle and we’ve kissed but I’m too shy to tell him how I feel and I think he’s the same. Should I just shut the fuck up now and tell him or get my wimp ass off the net and stop entrusting my life to some cunts on the internet? This probs won’t make it but kay.

Just go with the flow.  You don’t need to make an “official statement”, just enjoy the ride and where it takes you.  Just don’t get pregnant or STDs.

I told you a while back on your ask.fm that I had a dream involving you and that I’d tell you about it on your next survey. Well, here goes.

—

The dream was about “Mask of King Singer” or whatever that show is called where people wearing masks compete in vocalfag duels or some shit. Well there were two guys on stage, one with a tiger mask and the other with a chipmunk one. They were both apparently really good, as the judges seemed to be very impressed through their overly expressive reactions.

Then the tiger mask singer let out one big high note, then took his mask off. It was MR JKpop, the vlogger. He smirked and looked towards the judges as if to say “I win”.

Then the chipmunk mask guy started doing IU’s famous ‘three octave’ part, to which Mr JKpop raised his eyebrows and nodded like in his reaction vlogs, seemingly acknowledging the other competitor’s vocal talents. But the chipmunk dude didn’t stop there: he carried on doing more and more notes, going higher and higher until he probably did actually go three octaves higher, but without losing any stability or power in his voice.

Mr JKpop’s and all the judges’ jaws dropped to the floor. “How did you manage to beat me? I practise every day for five hours,” JKpop asked.

“Well kid,” started the chipmunk singer, “I’ve performed more times than you’ve had hot dinners. And secondly,” he continued as he started to remove his mask, “unlike you I don’t get caught up in petty technique, I actually focus on what sounds good.” His mask dropped to the floor, revealing the face of none other than Kpopalypse!

“For all your vocalfagging, all your obsessing over vocal pedagogy of Autotuned voices, you weren’t able to beat some crappy punk rocker,” Kpopalypse finished as he turned his back on the audience and walked towards the back of the stage, producing his signature hat from nowhere and placing it on top of his bald head.

This dream MRS.

PS: I guess you might not care but I just wanted to say it anyway: as someone who has been harrassed quite severely for being a “faggot” it feels a little uncomfortable to read the term so often in your posts… I’m quite sure/hope you don’t mean it in a derogatory way. I just thought I wanted to let you know and ask if maybe you could consider avoiding it/use it less frequently…?

I’ve probably been called a faggot in my life more times than you.  Don’t worry, faggot only means “loser” or “idiot”, it’s used loosely and commonly.  Don’t ask me how I know this.  But I’m not anti-gay though, in fact I think all men should be gay except me – eliminates the competition.

Kpopalypse oppar I love your posts and will always enjoy them so make them more (not fanfic bullshit I hate them, but posts that teach me something)
Love you, your caonima

All the fanfics have a lesson in them too, somewhere.

Great work on your blog! It’s the only place I feel comfortable following the Kpop scene with, as other websites (not to mention the subreddit, wugghh) just don’t have the same determination levels.

Thanks!

Your bias list is weird. Are you a closet hipster who intentionally goes after the least popular girls in a group or is it just a coincidence?

I just like what I like.

I hope you never stop doing Nugu Alerts, because I’m one of the five people who really enjoy them!

Rest assured that Kpopalypse Nugu Alert will continue, precisely because of how unpopular it is!

claraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
more
claraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thanks to all the caonimas who did the survey!  A new large one like this will appear every six months, with occasional mini-surveys for certain specific topics at random times as needed.  Kpopalypse will return with more caonima action!