It’s time again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!
Rainbow
SPECIAL GUEST REVIEWER: BETSY
Betsy, enjoying a catch-up with friends on the phone, something she has the time to do now that she doesn’t have a punishing Asian Junkie blogger’s schedule
Asian Junkie writer Betsy has taken refuge in Kpopalypse blog, a safe haven for authors who have been stretched to breaking point by the site’s tough schedules, harsh dietary requirements and relentless pursuit of journalistic integrity. She’s going to accompany me on this Roundup, where I’ve asked her to review each song “as quickly and thoughtlessly as possible, in time-honoured roundup tradition”. Don’t worry folks, you’ll still get my “thoughts” as well! Neither of us looked at each other’s reviews before posting and both are presented here raw and unedited, because I don’t censor my authors’ content, ahem.
Infinite – The Eye
KPOPALYPSE:
Actually pretty decent, as good as “Bad” but not amazing. So I guess it’s “not bad meaning good”?
BETSY:
One of the most underwhelming hyped songs of the year. The song isn’t even that complicated, sounds like all their other songs, but stripped/maybe even unfinished. Mixed with that, some scenes look like they’ve been filmed on an iPotato 7 – it just makes one of the most disappointing releases of 2016.
2PM – Promise (I’ll Be)
KPOPALYPSE:
Seems to be stuck halfway between big-band brass and dubstep if you can imagine that. Sonically not similar to “A.D.T.O.Y” at all, if they weren’t by the same group nobody would be comparing them.
BETSY:
One disappointment to an other – 2PM always seem to be updating themselves, or trying to? When really they should part ways. Coupled with the fact they are looking for drama, example, bringing up Dickhkun’s past drink-driving scandal via SNL Korea, and also parodying Seolhyun/Zico dating news – just shows how pathetic they are, and their bitter as fuck asses need to disband right now. Plus, if there’s no behind the scenes of this MV with Jun.K’s yaoi chin playing the piano, it would just add to the disappointment.
Yu Jae Seok & EXO – Dancing King
KPOPALYPSE:
Nothing special but at least it has some pace to it, the way this year’s been going that’s almost honourable mention status just on its own.
BETSY:
Can Yu Jae Suk just join EXO pls? Just to spice it up a little. Lay and potato-face lizard Kai look ready to leave (I’m literally betting on them). And no one will notice him being there considering Chanyeol is balding, aka he can age gracefully now.
DIA – Mr. Potter
KPOPALYPSE:
This is Red Velvet’s “Ice Cream Cake” rewritten by a better songwriter and the only reason why none of you trashbags like it is because it’s DIA and not some group that’s trendy.
BETSY:
I don’t think it’s as problematic as “Cheer Up” as some people may think. There’s no low-key autotune, or any type of bad singing. But still, I don’t praise it as the best. The video reminds me of those early 90’s BBC adaptions of children novels, that give you nightmares throughout your childhood but on acid.
BTOB Blue – Stand By Me
KPOPALYPSE:
If you were one of those weak specimens on Reddit/kpop who had a big old cry together about how I don’t like most k-pop ballads and virtue-signalled until you were blue in the face about how you don’t like my writing style, get your lighters up because this song’s for you.
BETSY:
It’s a ballad. A ballad that doesn’t sound like a Coldplay song or a refined Disney song.
Yoon Mirae – JamCome On Baby
KPOPALYPSE:
“Jam Come On Baby” is exactly what I want to shout at Yoon Mirae while she mumbles her way through this somnambulant fucking shit. Also learn correct character spacing, fuck. At least the bass frequencies are nice, but this song is wasted if you’re not listening on something that can reproduce them.
BETSY:
I can’t believe no one realised the pun yet? I am very anti-pun and I still got it. Yoon Mirae is advanced, but somehow she’s always 10-20 steps behind.
Clazziquai Project – I Wonder
KPOPALYPSE:
Jamiroquai always seemed like such a hypocrite to me, singing about “emergencies on planet earth” while making enough CDs of worthless z-grade funk-lite to create a bigger carbon footprint than Linfen and wearing about five endangered species of fur on his head. I kind of hate Clazziquai Project just by sonic association. It’s not really fair but fuck it.
BETSY:
The guy with the glasses is cute. That’s all I have to say.
BONUS SONGS
WJSN (Cosmic Girls) – Robot
KPOPALYPSE:
Take away all the interesting harmony in DIA’s song and you basically are left with something like this, or the last few I.O.I songs.
BETSY:
Easily the best song on the list this week, and probably (most likely) WJSN’s best song in general. Giriboy should stick to producing/keep on producing for WJSN/Monsta X. If you’re a mild “Starship fan” like myself, you know that b-sides are are always better than the actual released song. Thank fuck they do special MVs.
DIA – The Love
KPOPALYPSE:
People say I’m biased for DIA because they’re on T-ara’s label but they’re wrong. Proof: the other song from them this week is a colossal bucket of dogshit.
BETSY:
This sounds like a charity song. I don’t want to deal with this right now.
Wings Of The Isang – Stream Of Consciousness
KPOPALYPSE:
It’s a Korean version of Sigur Ros at their peak. Not as good though, needs more gay people with one eye.
BETSY:
As the name of the song suggests, it really does stream your consciousness. It made me think how hungry I am, or should I sneak another 15 mins of sleep in. How I need to pee but I’m half naked and my housemate is right outside my door making breakfast. Should I wash my hair before going to the gym?
Oddity – Mothernature
KPOPALYPSE:
Have you noticed that there’s a very specific horribly gaudy visual palette that seems to be used by every “It G Ma” clone ever? It’s like the music being shit isn’t enough.
BETSY:
This should be deleted off the internet. I don’t want this to be an internet fossil for future dinosaur/human hybrids to discover in a billion years time. Delete it.
YunB ft Paloalto – Runaway pt.1
KPOPALYPSE:
Even the awful trap songs have Fender Rhodes intros in Korea, that’s how much they love that shit.
BETSY:
How many K-Hip & Hop/K-Rap songs sound exactly like this? Keep that electric piano and organ to yourself, no one wants to hear it.
Kwon Jin Ah – The End
KPOPALYPSE:
Not as much as this song though. Actually the BTOB Blue track this week actually sounds pretty good compared to this.
BETSY:
DELETE THIS TOO. I FELL ASLEEP FOR 15 SECONDS, MY SLEEPING PATTERN IS RUINED NOW.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!
Tagged: roundup
